a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
