You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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