Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
