So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
