Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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