I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
