when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
