life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
