is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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