I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
