I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
