"it" just moved
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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