are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
