:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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