in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
