Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
