Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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