i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
