Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
