bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
