4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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