I think I won the penis lottery.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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