Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
