Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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