I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
