pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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