pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
