I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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