dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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