What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
