tell your sister to shave her snatch
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's get the cat blown out
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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