I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
