addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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