if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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