She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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