just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
