omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
3 2 1 whiskey
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
