"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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