I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
