She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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