i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
