Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
