I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
