It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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