I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
