well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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