i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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