so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
