Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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