We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
